Name: The upside-down bikini.
Age: About three seasons old, and growing.
Appearance: Like an ordinary string bikini, but upside down.
You mean with the top and bottoms swapped? No. That would be insane.
That’s what I thought. So you’re wearing it inside out? You just wear the top bit upside down.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, but what happens to the straps? Depending on the design, you might end up with the back strap round your neck, and vice versa. Or just with everything knotted up as best you can, or not at all.
Oh my God, how hungover are these women? Should they be swimming? They’re not hungover, or at least most of them aren’t.
Then how is this happening? Is there something wrong with the changing room mirror? They are doing it on purpose.
Who is “they”? Models, influencers, Kardashians. According to style historians, the innovation was pioneered by the Instagram model Valentina Fradegrada in 2018.
Why are they doing this, exactly? Because it’s just like having a brand-new swimsuit!
But it’s the same old string bikini. Yes, but with a brand-new, totally on-trend look.
And what look is totally on-trend right now? If I had to sum it up, I would say: consciously ill-fitting.
I’m sorry? The material is stretched uncomfortably, the strings either too loose or too tight, with little in the way of support in evidence.
In other words, you look like you have put your swimmers on upside down. At last you understand.
I understand what’s being done, I don’t just understand why it’s catching on. It’s bold.
I’ll give you that. It’s also seen as more sustainable.
Oh please. Two looks from one top – conscious consumerism is really big right now.
Are you suggesting that wearing your bikini upside down is good for the planet? It might be, except that a lot of brands are now starting to make bikinis that already look upside down in order to capitalise on the trend.
The whole idea just seems so impractical. What happens when you dive in? Oh, you mustn’t go in the water. The arrangement won’t last a second.
Does it at least have a zip-up pocket for your vaccine passport? Not on any of the styles I have seen.
Do say: “I’m wearing my brand new upside-down bikini upside down. Or am I?”
Don’t say: “I’m not going on holiday, but as part of my sustainability drive I’ll be wearing my underpants back to front.”